yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
