fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
