I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
