my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
