Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
