He had one of those small greek statue penises
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
