i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
