if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
