I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize