So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
