It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
