The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
