So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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