so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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