I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
