think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
At least life still wants to fuck me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
