he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
