my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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