We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
