wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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