ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
