Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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