speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
