We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize