True but thats because hes a fetus.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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