What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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