i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
