I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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