I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
