just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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