oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
