Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
