i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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