you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
