He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
