I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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