I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
