life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
These tits shall not be calmed
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
