Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
