End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
