I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
