You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
