So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
