I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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