I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
