I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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