Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
