I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
