i was born a porn star she said
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
