Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
