Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
