sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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