I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
