sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
