she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
there was a trapeze. enough said
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
