No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
