well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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