is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Randomize
