Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
