and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
it hurts more in the daytime
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
