Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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