so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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