I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
