I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
