I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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