You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
