Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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