I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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