well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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