I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
