Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
