I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
