So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
