my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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