someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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