I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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