My hand turned me down
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize