I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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