O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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