So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
