The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
