I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
